What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 04:03
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He resisted the act ,that day.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Red Cross says at least 21 killed and dozens shot in Gaza aid incident - BBC
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
"D Gukesh Was Blindly...": Magnus Carlsen's First Reaction After Loss To Indian GM - NDTV Sports
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Who then, do I blame.?
Winners & Losers From The 2025 NCAA Baseball Tournament Regional Round - Baseball America
Im still living with it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
With 'I Love Lucy' and beyond, Desi Arnaz helped shaped TV as we know it - NPR
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Did Leonardo da Vinci paint two Mona Lisas? Where are they?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My family never makes their pension either.
I waited trembling.
Was to survive, this bastard.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
☆ what's the thing that made u fell in love with your bias?
He knew the spot.
It was going to be , some day.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
One cannot live in the past .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
How to watch Apple’s WWDC 2025 keynote - TechCrunch
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Are there any nude pictures of women with big tits?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She loved him until the end.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I think the readers, may guess!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I said to her
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So whats the point in blame.
Comes on , in middle age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
(And it was in our own minds.)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
I was 9 years of age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We were not on the streets..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But, we were locked up after school.
This is soul school!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was very sick at this time too.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Would this be the day?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
All the time i was locked up.
I have no regrets .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So, i spoilt her more .
She wouldn,t have been !
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When she asked me how she looked .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I write beautiful poetry .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She married twice! .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ive learnt so much.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And i lived it daily.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She found it foreign!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Put me off passion for life!!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My life is so biszare .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.